The Best There's Ever Been

I submit that "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" is the coolest song ever. I'm not saying it's necessarily the best song ever, but definitely the coolest. Click here for the lyrics.

As the story-song begins, Johnny's just chillin', minding his own business, "sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot," somewhere in Georgia where the hickory trees grow. He's not bothering anyone. I don't think he even has an audience. He's just jammin'.

Along comes the devil. Apparently, the devil has a quota of souls that he has to steal "'cus he was way behind". I'm not really sure who would be holding the devil accountable for his soul-quota, so my guess is he was gonna lose some serious bragging rights to JC if he didn't get a few more souls that month. As a side note, I'd say it doesn't bode well for places like New York, L.A., Chicago, etc. that the devil thought he had a better chance of finding a new soul in Georgia than in those major metropolitan areas, presumably because he's already won most of the souls in those areas.

So the devil enlightens Johnny of his hidden fiddle-playing talents and proceeds to start talking smack, saying, "I think I'm better than you." Now Johnny didn't ask for this. He was just hangin' out, doin' his thing, and out of nowhere, the devil shows up, interrupts Johnny's session, and wants to throw down. But does Johnny back down? Is he intimidated? Lesser men might've been, but not Johnny. He gets right in the devil's face and says, in so many words, "Let's do this." Not only did Johnny risk the bet even though "it might be a sin" (and he apparently didn't sin very often since the devil wouldn't be after a habitual sinner), but the DUDE GAVE THE DEVIL ODDS! Sure, a fiddle of gold would be cool. I've never seen anyone who had one, not even Charlie Daniels (by the way, how is it that Daniels hasn't come up with or been given a fiddle of gold yet?). And you know the devil thinks it's valuable because wooden fiddles just don't last very long in his 850-degree pad. But in exchange for Johnny's soul? I'd say those odds are in the devil's favor. Like 16,000,000:1 in the devil's favor. But it didn't phase Johnny at all, because he was, as he proclaims, "the best there's ever been."

Johnny's bravado didn't deter the devil, and he busted out his fiddle saying, "I'll start this show." And I don't care who you are, it is impressive, if not a little intimidating, when the guy you are going head-to-head against starts throwing fire from his fingertips. That's Dark-Side Sith Lord sort of behavior, so you know this devil's for real. And if that didn't scare Johnny, then I would think that awful sound of the bow hissing across the strings would do it. But Johnny probably just laughed, thinking it was cool. When the band of demons joined in, Johnny probably could have cried "foul," since this was supposed to be mano-a-mano and not mano-a-mano-con-venda-de-demonios, but not Johnny. He just waited patiently until the intense, albeit very talented, screeching stopped. Now I have to give the devil credit here. He went straight fiddle and didn't attempt any lyrics like Johnny does, but as anyone who plays an instrument can tell you, throwing in lyrics while cruising through some technical musical riff is much more difficult than just playing the riff on its own. Not to give away the ending, but this may have actually given Johnny the edge.

The last note still hung in the air when Johnny gave the devil a backhanded compliment, saying he was "pretty" good and then calling him "old son." Johnny knew he was going to make the devil's knees weak during his turn because then he told him - told him - to sit down in the chair Johnny had with him so he could show the devil "how it's done." You knew right then it was over before Johnny even started.

Johnny might've been able to beat the devil on fiddle-skill alone, but he doesn't stop there. He opens his piece by throwing out dagger after dagger with his lyrics:

Fire on the Mountain
Run Boys Run.
The devil's in the House of the Rising Sun.

Interpretation: "What's up devil? I see you there. Why do you keep picking on scared little boys? Why don't you come here and pick on someone your own size?"

Chicken in a bread pan pickin' out dough
Granny, does your dog bite?
No, child, no.

Interpretation: "Because you're chicken, that's why. You're used to dealing with boys as soft as dough in a bread pan, but in the end, you're still just a chicken. Or maybe a dog. At best. Is he a mean dog, Mommy? Does he bite? Does he have rabies or sharp teeth?
'No child, don't be silly.'
Then what's everyone so scared of? This dog's turn has come. He's stepped into a hornets' nest and he's about to get his butt kicked. And I'm gonna do the kickin'."

Johnny follows this up with a screamin' jam session that, when Charlie Daniels plays it, leaves his bow in shreds. Johnny's was probably shredded, smokin', and stinkin' of horse hair by the end of that meaty performance.

Was a judge's ruling necessary? Did Johnny and the devil or his demons argue over who was better? Not a chance. The devil hung his head and just "laid that golden fiddle on the ground at Johnny's feet." He had been beaten so badly, there was no question of who had won. From my initial impression of Johnny, he seemed to be quiet, even introverted by nature, but the devil had provoked him and brought out the fire within this young man, so Johnny didn't let the devil's humiliation end at just admitting defeat. He poured salt into the wound, yelling out to the retreating devil, "Come on back if you ever want to try again." He followed that with one of the most get-your-heart-pumping, fire-you-up lines that I've never been able to say and called the devil himself an S.O.B.! What's cooler than that? Nothing's cooler than calling the devil an S.O.B. and being able to back it up because, as Johnny reiterates, he's "the best there's ever been."

So, as the devil is sulking away, the last thing he hears is Johnny whaling on his fiddle again, singing the Chicken in the Bread Pan smack one more time, proving once and for all that, when it comes to fiddle-playing and soul-wagers, Johnny owns the devil.

Now the devil's even further behind, so watch your back, perfect your craft, and beware, because it would be hard to top "The Devil Went Down to Georgia."